Anonymous sent: hey how do you manage being anorexic without craving food and your family forcing you to eat?
I crave food all the time but I don’t allow myself any and my family are uncapable of care, it’s just the way it is.
Anonymous sent: i'm sorry I don't even know if i'm making sense anymore. I just felt that I had to explain this to you. I wish I could explain what I want to but I can't. not here at least but just know that a life without anorexia is better because anoreixa is an illness that stops you from having anything else that's real
You are making sense, don’t worry. It’s just that I hear this all the time but I can’t believe it and you know that, you know that the only truth I have is the one my brain offers. The brain poisoned with anorexia. But thank you for taking the time.
Anonymous sent: Have you ever posted a photo of yourself? We are the same height, so it would be very inspiring to see a photo of you. Hopefully you don't think I'm a total creep :/ stay strong <3
No I have not, and I’ve said it before: I can’t look myself in the mirror without gagging. Why would I feel comfortable taking a picture and post it on the internet, where it will stay forever?
Anonymous sent: you know what really pisses me off? the way you think you are the fucking only one with anorexia or with weight problemes or whatever. you know there are people out there who want to support you just by sending nice mails and if you don't want that for gods sake, erase your ask button. you treat people like a piece of shit, and yeah you don't care but cmon you're labile and insecure and nothing else but this is a bad way to show.
This is a part of my inbox.
This is messages I save and read to remind me that people care. You must understand that anorexia is a selfish disease and I’m fully aware that people out there are in fact going through the same thing and that’s why I refuse to give tips on how to starve yourself. But even though there are millions of us going through this, we don’t have the same sickness, even if it’s labeled anorexia.
Anonymous sent: what is the fastest way to lose weight? how much can i lose in 1 month?
Don’t eat and hopefully you’ll die and be a pretty corpse.
Anonymous sent: I have BPD, anxiety, depression, and bulimia. I know entirely how you feel and my heart goes out to you. Let me tell you from my experience though, no matter how much weight you drop you'll still never feel good enough. I hope that you continue with therapy. I'm currently doing an out-patient programme. Have you considered any sort of hospitalisation or similar support? It took me years to reach out. It's hard but I'm doing much better. x
I know I’ll never feel good enough because I have an understanding of my disease.
Anonymous sent: why are you doing this to yourself
Because I’m not good enough.
Anonymous sent: how do you keep yourself from eating when you really want to?
It’s simple, I want to be perfect more than any craving for food.
Anonymous sent: Are you still trying to recover?
Anonymous sent: What do you eat usually?
I can’t answer that, there’s no such thing as “usually” in my world.
Anonymous sent: I wrote something awful in your ask box around September/October 2011, it was disgusting of me and I am really, really sorry. People like me take personal problems out on others because we're nasty.
I can’t remember it, but thank you for apologizing.
Anonymous sent: They are such assholes! You tell them how much you want to get better and yet you have to be hospitalized again, how can they not see how ill you are? You've had anorexia for so long, you don't remember life without it :( I hate them so much, as long as you're not dying they don't care and yet you are very underweight.. I don't understand them. Does your therapist understand you? Do you see him/her every week? Are they good? You see psychiatrists don't care like therapists do.. or so I think
I guess I’m a pretty good actress, besides, my parents like to hide it too. I guess he understands me, I don’t really talk that much though, I keep things to myself and I see him every other week.
I don’t know how to answer this, it’s pleasant that someone cares to write all this, so thank you.
